Claudia's Blog

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Are You In The Monkey Trap?

Last week my 24-year-old son came to me telling me that his computer was causing a lot of trouble and he required help from me.

Which in the end - GASP - I refused to give.

Here's why and what that has to do with the monkey trap.

I've been a single mum for a long time - so I was the one my children came to for support for basically anything.

I was the rock.

The encyclopedia.

The timekeeper.

The defender.

The one who knows where everything is.

Useful when the kids are small(er). 

Eventually, this can become rather a hindrance for both parties - I'll come to the WHY in a moment. 

But let me tell you the story first.

Obviously, the OS (operating system) was compromised, and he wanted me to download a version of it onto my computer and give it to him on a USB stick. No problem. 

It quickly turned out though that I did not have the right stick, so he went and bought another one, only to find out that it was not t just a simple download, but a major act of producing a...

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Why I stopped helping and why you should do the same

It was about a year ago when my son had just finished an internship after his high school degree. At that stage, it was clear that his plan A – studying in Scotland – had not worked out. Well, and there was no plan B.

The latter did not seem to bother him too much. Life was good. Sleeping in, making music, getting food served (well, most of the time) and supposedly not having a worry in his life.

Except for his nagging mum – me.

Project "Help"

So I...

- Organized regular “meetings” with him, talking about how he intends to move on, giving all sorts of options

- Trained him in regards of how to organize the next and necessary steps, after he decided that studying is still the future of choice

- Set up a Kanban board with him in his room so that he could see at any time what has to be done and to remind him of stuff (even at 20, the teenage typical forgetfulness seems to be pretty prevalent).

- Had long conversations with him to help him finding his WHY

-...

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