The leadership blog for successful women

Wow, what a statement! And is it even true?

Right – let’s clarify a few things upfront:

1. I love and appreciate men. I enjoy working with them. I admire their wit, logic and clear-mindedness. And I don’t believe in a dividing line between men and women or masculine and feminine nor do I judge the one or the other as being “worse” or “better” (despite what the headline says ;-)).
2. I believe in the social, economic and political equality of men and women. This is NOT what this article is about though. It’s not even about gender.

So what IS this article about?

In a way about my journey. As a leader AND woman.

How I arrived where I am now and the learning and epiphanies on the way.

How is this relevant for you?

• If you’re a woman in business it is.
• If you’re a woman in a leadership position even more.
• And if – on top - you have kids, and you feel that you always have to be strong and you’re exhausted often, PLEASE...

Last week my 24-year-old son came to me telling me that his computer was causing a lot of trouble and he required help from me.

Which in the end - GASP - I refused to give.

Here's why and what that has to do with the monkey trap.

I've been a single mum for a long time - so I was the one my children came to for support for basically anything.

I was the rock.

The encyclopedia.

The timekeeper.

The defender.

The one who knows where everything is.

Useful when the kids are small(er). 

Eventually, this can become rather a hindrance for both parties - I'll come to the WHY in a moment. 

But let me tell you the story first.

Obviously, the OS (operating system) was compromised, and he wanted me to download a version of it onto my computer and give it to him on a USB stick. No problem. 

It quickly turned out though that I did not have the right stick, so he went and bought another one, only to find out that it was not t just a simple download, but a major act of producing a...

Why can't they get it - it's so easy?...you might think.

Here are two surprising and probably rather counterintuitive tips on how to change this quickly and effectively.

Recently one of my new clients confessed to me (feeling rather shameful about it) that often he finds himself in important meetings when this particular colleague, a level above him who permanently wipes off his suggestions and arguments.  

“Yeah, but….” is the standard reaction and on top of that, he keeps interrupting him rudely in front of the whole board or sometimes business partners.

Immediately his brain is running hot & is overloaded, thoughts bouncing back and forth. Despite being a brilliant person, these witty answers he would love to say right there and then don’t seem to come through. 

“I’m always stuck in my head, analyse & overthink things, which makes my head almost explode then. I even catch myself holding my breath when I think & think & think. Some of the thoughts even haunt me at night afterwards! Leaving me mentally rather exhausted, and I have to hold back to not explode in someone’s...

I’ve been a mum now for the last 27 years. And I can’t even begin to count all the mistakes I made. “Ah, we all do”, you might say. And yes, that is true. Particularly in this area, as for me, this is the toughest job in the world.

It’s not just a phrase, I know it. After all, I’ve raised my 2 children, mainly on my own. With hardly any support.

I provided both  - a boy and a girl – with the same opportunities, the same affection and the same rules. The path and process were stunningly different. The results too.

Hindsight is a great thing, right? It allows us to learn and to adapt. Which I clearly did. Still, I know I could have avoided some significant mistakes, had I started at the right end: Me.

This is my motivation to share. As it might avoid some horrifically tricky situations. Or at least give you the certainty that you’re not alone, and it might give you so much more peace of mind when it comes to your children, seeing...

What energy do you bring into the room (or situation)?

Huh? Is that important?

YES - absolutely.

This Saturday I experienced quite a backlash while not being aware of my own energy.

With quite some consequences.

The (almost magical) power of that and how to do it, I'm explaining here in this short video.

And as always: the first step is AWARENESS. As we cannot change what we don't even know....and then we're only surprised by or suffer from the results.

Let me know your experiences with that in the comments.

Quite honestly: 5 years ago I did not have a clue what Personal Leadership was. As I simply did not give it a thought. The definition that is.

Instinctively though I realized that there is something wrong with the way of how we learn to lead.

When I had just passed my mid-twenties and I worked for a start-up in the IT business (not that we called it like that 25 years ago) it was the first time that I managed a team. I had 3 people in a sales team to lead. And I failed miserably.

None of my team was in the slightest inspired by me and I had simply no idea what I was doing. Even when I read up about what I could do how and tested things out, it did only marginally get better. The second time around leading a team in a different organisation went better, still not great though.

Well, I could have assumed that I was simply a lousy leader. I realized later though, that I had started at the wrong end.

Start leadership at the right end 

What is the right end then?

Quite simple on one...

Right – buckle up….this is going to be a very open and honest article  on something that’s been on my mind for a while.

The coaching industry is booming. And for good reasons.

NEVER before there were so many people lost, confused, overworked and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work (or the opposite…and they are bored….yep – have seen that indeed), never was life so exhausting as it is now.

In my corporate life I personally loathed coaches and consultants (who are clearly not the same – so don’t confuse them), as I had the impression that they were simply overpaid so-called experts telling us what we know already, just packaging it in a plethora of fluffy words and terms.

Admittedly I only worked with a coach once during that time – and that was when I lost a job and the employer paid for some outplacement coaching. In a way that was helpful, still it could not really heal the wounds the situation had created.

By now...

"It's easier to deal with processes and technical things than with people" - one of the first things Christian told me in our recent chat (which we happened to record - and hence you can watch it here. Lucky you ;-)).

Christian Delez is Agile Software Leader at RUAG Defence and Co-founder of www.responsive.org  - an organisation who is looking into the future of work - hence the perfect person to ask some questions around the topic I've been looking into for a while now.

I asked Christian a number of questions around humans in the digital transformation - something that goes in almost every organisation on this planet right now - after all we're living in the middle of the digital era. 

We touched upon topics like fear, creating space for difficult conversations, how to deal with mistakes and conversational intelligence - and what makes a good (digital) leader. 

Enjoy!