The leadership blog for successful women

Today I had a session with a client I've seen for the second time.

We delved into her challenge of how she could get where she absolutely wants to be (which is a particular position in academia)  - an idea she had for years!

Now - we could have started working on some strategies or tactics of how to get there.

But that's not what I do.

Deep work does not have to be a huge effort

Working on the surface would totally ignore what's at the core of the challenge and simply mean that a similar situation - based upon the pattern at the basis - will pop up again eventually.

I experienced that SOOO often in my own life until I realized I had to tackle what WAS at the bottom.

So - we went deep.

Arghh…that sounds uncomfortable and like a lot of effort and time.

WRONG.

It just required a couple of the right questions, and  - totally not modest here - I'm really good at asking those due to my very well-developed intuition and wham - it always leads to the core quickly.

Within...

It's Sunday. Should be a rest day - at least for me. Smooth, quiet, enjoyable...BUT "there is always something"! 

A little story I just experienced that is representative of - as I believe - daily life And sometimes it sucks ...but it's also a bit funny ;-).

Many women are too polite in business. 

In fact - often in other areas of their life too. 

And if you're happen to be a man and felt this little pang when you read the headline this might be something for you too...and I invite you to read on. 

Politeness is great - unless it becomes detrimental to managing your energy, taking your space or speaking up for yourself.

I'm not even British (if you are, you know what I'm talking about ;-)) and still was this woman.

How it shows up

And it showed up in a number of ways:

• I was hesitant to say NO when a colleague or client asked me for a favour - even worse when my bosses wanted something - even if it was 5 minutes before I had planned to leave!
• I grudgingly accepted when people interrupted me at meetings or ate into my time 
• Even in my current job, in the beginning, I allowed my clients to overstep the agreed time

The feeling I was left with was one of overwhelm when not saying no, and becoming rather resentful...

End of July, my furry companion of 13.5 years got sick and got so poorly that I had to let her go after 4 days. Having been with me almost 24/7 during all her life, she left a huge hole. 

Ten days later, I got a call from my mum informing me that my dad had passed. He still went out shopping in the morning, had lunch and did not wake up from his nap anymore. Despite having been in his 80's there were no signs of his death being imminent.

A few days later, I felt extremely exhausted and unwell and was down for days running a heavy fever and some other cold symptoms. I had (finally) caught Covid.

That all sounds like the start to a really bad movie, right?

And still, this is exactly what happened in my life during the last four weeks.

A real "test" of all the concepts and ideas I talk about, stand for and teach others. 

 The power of response & focus.

I had first reactions to both of my losses, of course. I was asking myself what I could have done better - did I...

Last week a rather frustrated and utterly exhausted client was getting  exasperated about their "super difficult" situation: "I have to do all these things NOW as there is only a certain time window and on top of that I have to prepare a presentation - which came around the corner very short notice."

I cautiously asked: "What could you say no to?".

"Nothing," was the answer - "If I don't do it - nobody will. I can't possibly let anyone down."

Phew - no wonder did my client feel overwhelmed and even helpless. In other words - stuck - unable to change the situation nor the feeling.

Sounds familiar? The I-have-so-much-to-do-and-can't-do-anything-about-it-scenario?

With the same feelings coming along?  

Well, it was definitely VERY familiar to me years ago running my own business as a single mum.

Now the million-dollar question is; HOW the heck can you get out of that?

Well, the short answer is: TAKING RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY for your life.

The...

Are you ready to take charge?

Are you prepared to walk into some discomfort?

There is a reason I ask those questions - because if you're not - this podcast is not for you.

Admittedly we all cringe when being confronted with what most of us would call "negative" or "bad" emotions. 

Many of us rather pull our fingernails out than talk or even deal with that kind of stuff. 

I get it - it's uncomfortable, it might even create some fear ("how the heck do I deal with it anyway?"), but quite honestly - I've experienced that the whole topic is much easier to deal with than I thought years ago. 

And still, many people don't know the HOW and just want them to go away. 

Pushing them away comes with a price though. 

AND there are convincing reasons why all of us better talk about this topic. To be precise - in this podcast, you'll learn about 6 of them - pretty sure there are even more. 

So, here's what I'm talking about:

1. The 6 reasons WHY it's so...

….is….to feel good.

 Huh?

 "That is not rocket science, Claudia...I really expected something more spectacular!" - you might think.

You're right - it isn't. 

The thing is - good can mean many different things for different people.

AND - many don't. Feel good that is (reason enough to talk about it!)

At least not when they are honest with themselves and don't put the social media or "professional" mask on.

Because they're waiting for the next thing to happen to ALLOW themselves to feel good.

 The infamous.....

If/when I do/achieve/have ……I will feel great/happy/good/successful….(fill in the blanks).

Tricky though. Cause it might not happen.

IF it comes though... the money, the career, the lover…they can all trigger us feeling great. Nothing wrong with that.

BUT today I have a different suggestion.

Listen in to this week's podcast to my pondering of:

1. What "good" means for different people
2. Why the circumstances or other...

Fear is the worst advisor in our life. And often people pay attention to it or their decisions are influenced by it without even realizing that it's fear they're listening to.

Been there, done that - and sometimes still do (when my awareness is lacking!). 

Fear is a common and daily companion for most people....and let's face it... it has its place and can prevent us from taking unnecessary risks...like crossing a motorway during rush hour.

The sensation of fear does not distinguish though between an actual threat to our life....or an emotional threat. It simply kicks in - worst case with dire consequences for our life costing us more than we care to admit.

Listen in to learn:

1. Why fear is such a bad advisor
2. The 4 main costs we pay for letting fear reign
3. The 2 major ingredients of the alternative way

PS: If you have any comments or questions, just drop me an e-mail at [email protected]

In the past, when people shouted at me, shut down, or were getting very defensive, I got really furious. Or frustrated. And took it personally. Almost always.

And believed that there was absolutely no reason for their behaviour.
 
What I simply couldn't see back then was THAT EVERY PERSON HAS THEIR OWN STRUGGLES. 
 
Maybe the colleague (or your partner at home) has experienced things that traumatized them, or it might be a childhood trauma that still sticks with them. Maybe they had or have a difficult situation that now triggers habitual responses.
 
Which makes them less attentive. Less focused and maybe even absent-minded. Or even rude, dismissive or aggressive in a conversation or interaction. 
 
"Not my problem", you could say.

And yes, in a way, you're right. 

While it's not your responsibility how someone reacts, it could impact your relationship drastically.

Whatever it is - a be a big deal for the other person, or maybe it's just an emotional...