Claudia's Blog

Watch & Read - For Leaders Who Dare To Be Human&Real

Relationship Idea #6: Your Relationship with Others Will Only Be As Good As the One With Yourself

relationships Jun 29, 2021

When we talk about relationships, most people take a look at their outside world.

The relationships with our loved ones.
The relationships with colleagues.
The relationship with friends....you name it.

And so they put their effort into developing, building or restoring these relationships.

What many overlook though, is the first step:

Developing a relationship with themselves.

What I mean by that is not just taking care of ourselves - the infamous self-care.

I'm rather talking about taking time to

- look inside
- get to know oneself on a deep(er) level
- own and take care of our own fears & insecurities
- notice and manage our emotions and mental chatter
- becoming aware of our patterns and beliefs
- connecting with who we really are underneath all the social conditioning

...in summary: Doing the inner work, becoming authentic and building a relationship with self.

So that we can have compassion, love, understanding and patience with ourselves that we show others....instead of beating...

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Relationship Idea #5: Deep listening completely shifts the relationship dynamic (Video)

 

Everybody wants to be heard.

But not so many people are willing or able to really listen attentively and deeply.

Despite the fact that many of us believe we DO listen. I thought that for a long time until I realized that my perception was very wrong (it helps to ask others for their perception or watch their reaction...that gives us a better view than just our own judgment.)

Listening does NOT just mean being polite and letting the other person finish.

Listening is a part of successful and high-quality communication.

Successful and high-quality communication is one of the major keys to successful and good relationships.

So, listen in if you believe you can still learn something about listening....and even if that video is a couple of years old...THIS information has not changed...not even through a pandemic ;-)

#listeningskills #womenexecutives #personalleadership #relationships#communication
 

 
 
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Relationship Idea #4: Everyone has struggles we don't know about

emotions relationships Jun 24, 2021

In the past, when people shouted at me, shut down, or were getting very defensive, I got really furious. Or frustrated. And took it personally. Almost always.

And believed that there was absolutely no reason for their behaviour.
 
What I simply couldn't see back then was THAT EVERY PERSON HAS THEIR OWN STRUGGLES. 
 
Maybe the colleague (or your partner at home) has experienced things that traumatized them, or it might be a childhood trauma that still sticks with them. Maybe they had or have a difficult situation that now triggers habitual responses.
 
Which makes them less attentive. Less focused and maybe even absent-minded. Or even rude, dismissive or aggressive in a conversation or interaction. 
 
"Not my problem", you could say.

And yes, in a way, you're right. 

While it's not your responsibility how someone reacts, it could impact your relationship drastically.

Whatever it is - a be a big deal for the other person, or maybe it's just an emotional...

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Relationship Idea #3: Build deep(er) relationships with these 9 questions.


Superficial small talk does not build relationships. That is valid for the business world too. 

You might believe deeper relationships are unnecessary in business - after all colleagues might not be your friends.

They might not be - that's not the point here.

Deeper relationships WILL create different results (more of that at the end of the post) - for ALL parties involved! So, worth giving it a go.

Many leaders are guilty of asking those dreaded, one-dimensional questions that lead nowhere beyond the small talk instead of asking intriguing questions that trigger deeper conversations. 

How can you do that?

Focus on the other person. 

Everyone wants to be seen and heard. 

Even the ones who consider themselves humble, self-less, or give themselves the label of being introverts. 

So, here's a suggestion for 9 very different questions to knock your next business meeting out of the park.

Some are really BIG.

Don't be afraid or shy though to ask them.

Most people LOVE to...

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Relationship Idea #2: You're co-creating success and the future together

In a relationship - be it in business or privately, we often take the eyes off this "we're building a future together that we're both enjoy" - even if it sucks today. 
 
While we're busy being angry, frustrated, or annoyed at someone, particularly in business - despite striving for collaboration and progress - it's actually easy to forget (or not even define) what success means for all participants and the organisation.  
 
Or we start blaming someone for the unwanted situation!
 
The antidote: 
 
1. Stop judging the other person-  
THE FASTER WE JUDGE THE OTHER PERSON, THE QUICKER THE RELATIONSHIP GOES INTO DESPAIR.

I know, I know, easier said than done. If we pay attention to our own desire or habit to judge we can stop it. And become curious. Might not work all the time - but it's a great start to be aware and give it a go. With practice, it will work more regularly - promised.
 
2. Remember that the energy in a...

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Relationships: IDEA #1: Honour The Individual

leadership relationships Jun 11, 2021
Relationships....THE most discussed topic in my sessions with my clients.
 
No surprise here - building and maintaining good relationships is not just a "useful" and absolutely crucial skill for any leader for achieving top results.
 
It even determines how happy we feel. That's not just me claiming it - it is the result of the longest-standing study of Harvard spanning 80+ years by now that confirms what we secretly (or openly) already knew all along (just google it and you'll find many links referring to it).
 
BIGGEST source of issues
 
πŸ’₯ In my line of work, I regularly experience that the most severe and time-consuming issues in business arise from the interaction between people.
 
And in private life. I bet you knew THAT one.
 
Let's face it - there is no dividing line between those two areas anyway!
 
On top of that, lots of people who are in a separation phase seem to gravitate to me - and talking to them about the issues of...
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How to keep yourself & your team aligned working both, remotely & in the office

 

It looks like we won't get rid of the Corona situation and the consequences any time soon. Part of it is that many people still work remotely, some work in the office while keeping distance, some do both. 

That creates its own challenges. And even more so when you're a leader in another country than your home country - in other words, if you are an expat. Or if you start new in an organisation during these times and desire to get to know and align your team. 

So, now I've recently started - together with a befriended leadership coach - a Meetup group in the Munich area, particularly (but not exclusively) for Expat Leaders. And this was exactly the topic we discussed in our very first Meetup event on September 4th. 

Here's the video which we recorded to make the information accessible for more people and we discussed these issues:

* Keeping communication and coordination of work up

 * Little informal time to chat

 * People spread out

 * Feeling of...

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Claudia's Insights: Whatever Someone Does β€œto” Me, Has Nothing to Do With Me and All to Do With The Other Person.

Insight no 1:

Whatever someone does “to” me, has nothing to do with me and all to do with the other person.

 “He never said thank you – he’s ignoring me….I’m not really important”. We’ve all been there. Someone treats us horrible, outside of our set of values or understanding. We start interpreting, put a label on the behaviour, judge, and unfortunately, the judgement often has to do with beating ourselves up on some level.

It must be me, right? Why would this person say that otherwise (or ignore me, or be rude, offensive or whatever)?

WRONG.

We all go through some struggle. So does the person we might have issues with. Most of our thoughts circle around ourselves (this is why we take things so personally!). So do the thoughts of the other person.

Their rudeness, offensiveness, negligence or dismissiveness has nothing to do with us and all with him or her. How he sees the world, what kind of challenges the person deals...

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THE Thing To Do First In A Real Crisis

Have you ever faced the situation where a crisis hit you out of the blue? Silly question, right? As I literally don’t know anybody who did not, at some point in their lives.  

This could be the loss of a job, your partner telling you that they want to leave, a diagnosis from your doctor which turns your world upside down.

That’s the kind of crises I’m talking about.

From Shock…..

Often the first reaction is pain, panic, shame, fear…..or we’re utterly and completely paralysed, our brains literally not functioning anymore. Maybe accompanied by crying, shouting or acting out.

We might feel victimized on top of all those difficult emotions. Why does that happen to me? Why do I have to suffer through this?

Typical (yet rather destructive) questions to ask ourselves – let me come back to that in a minute.

Maybe we’re even looking for someone to blame for the situation. 

…To DOING

When the first rage or pain settles...

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Why 9 out of 10 conversations simply miss the mark (and what to do about that)

I’m living with my partner. And raised two children. I worked in a number of corporates and have started two businesses. So, I had my fair share (and still going on) of conversations. And quite a lot of them were also difficult.

A gigantic playing field for learning how to have successful conversations. Or to mess them up and miss the mark. I succeeded in both.

Missing the mark

According to research done by Stanford University, 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark.

What do I mean by missing the mark?

Well, that’s fairly simple: when there is no result. Or not the desired one.

When we fall into set patterns instead of using our conversational skills to create trust and healthy connections. When we talk past each other instead of with other, maybe even banging our heads or letting fear and judgement taking over.

Every conversation has some objective: maybe just a simple sharing of information, maybe tasking someone with something, maybe to find solutions for issues,...

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