The hands-on blog for successful (and aspiring) top leaders

Phew - it's been a busy few weeks - hence my blog was a bit more quiet than usual. 

Work kept me on my toes, the sudden weather changes from hot to cold and back created extra tiredness in my body and taking care of some of my mum's stuff who is in her 80s came just on top of it. 

So when I had a little time in between I decided to take a rest and spend time with my horse or on dog walks which always energises me….

But I'm digressing….today I want to share the epiphanies that came out of one of the things I did recently - which was a communication workshop.

The aha moments were so great that I had to share - maybe they will support you too!

Wouldn't it be great if we'd always understood each other if there were no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, no exasperating conversations where we feel the other person simply doesn't get what we're saying?

Welcome to the world of communication.

An extremely complex topic.

So we went deep.

Didn't waste our time with...

I'm currently reading a book which deals with a topic I'm exploring: how different men and women "tick" and what that means for communication and relationships inside and outside of the business environment.

It actually opens up a completely new aspect for, but not exclusively, leadership.

The book provided me with some insights which made sense to me, nothing revolutionary though.

Until I came to a part of the story where the author describes the different ways of thinking.

The masculine or male way - single focused.
And the feminine or female way - the brain goes in all kinds of directions.

Btw - this is not necessarily about gender...but often is...more in the podcast.

The fact is though - it impacts communication big time.
I clearly noticed that when the author describes the typical dynamic as a result of the differences. I had to laugh out loud - not necessarily because it was funny, but because I felt that she was talking about me (and some of the men in my life).

What an...

The end of the year is always a good possibility to reflect & review. I went a bit further back - not just one year, which in all fairness also has to do with the fact that I put together a course about this immensely important topic.

Communication is complex and I keep learning, understanding and feeling what holds us together as human beings, what creates the glue and which is the basis for connection and collaboration.

So here's what I found in the last decades, condensed in 29 points. I hope that serves you.

1. The quality of our conversations/communication determines the quality of ALL of our relationships. Regardless of how much I twisted and turned this - this is always true. Professionally as well as personally.
2. REAL listening is a huge part of successful communication. And among the top 3 competencies, I have identified. The bad news: doing it right is so much harder than I ever thought. Particularly when someone says something that rubs me the wrong way! The good news:...

It looks like we won't get rid of the Corona situation and the consequences any time soon. Part of it is that many people still work remotely, some work in the office while keeping distance, some do both. 

That creates its own challenges. And even more so when you're a leader in another country than your home country - in other words, if you are an expat. Or if you start new in an organisation during these times and desire to get to know and align your team. 

So, now I've recently started - together with a befriended leadership coach - a Meetup group in the Munich area, particularly (but not exclusively) for Expat Leaders. And this was exactly the topic we discussed in our very first Meetup event on September 4th. 

Here's the video which we recorded to make the information accessible for more people and we discussed these issues:

* Keeping communication and coordination of work up

 * Little informal time to chat

 * People spread out

 * Feeling of...

Do you know the feeling when people interrupt you all the time and it's hard to finish a sentence, let alone anything longer? That can be infuriating and very disruptive...and it can easily feel like you're not respected by the other person.

Here's what to do and how to deal with these situations. 

And as a side effect this will generate more respect from the other person. Promised. 

Why can't they get it - it's so easy?...you might think.

Here are two surprising and probably rather counterintuitive tips on how to change this quickly and effectively.

Quite honestly: 5 years ago I did not have a clue what Personal Leadership was. As I simply did not give it a thought. The definition that is.

Instinctively though I realized that there is something wrong with the way of how we learn to lead.

When I had just passed my mid-twenties and I worked for a start-up in the IT business (not that we called it like that 25 years ago) it was the first time that I managed a team. I had 3 people in a sales team to lead. And I failed miserably.

None of my team was in the slightest inspired by me and I had simply no idea what I was doing. Even when I read up about what I could do how and tested things out, it did only marginally get better. The second time around leading a team in a different organisation went better, still not great though.

Well, I could have assumed that I was simply a lousy leader. I realized later though, that I had started at the wrong end.

Start leadership at the right end 

What is the right end then?

Quite simple on one...

No, I’m not suddenly mad. And no, I don’t enjoy suffering either. I simply realized that the adversities in my life were the most useful, even if not enjoyable moments. And often those difficult situations happen between people: Disagreements and arguments.

My reaction to them tells me an awful lot about myself. In fact, often stuff I’m not really aware of.

This counts for everybody. And it represents one of the biggest chances for us to grow AND to get a good look into our subconscious mind.

Let me take a step back and tell you a little story.

A couple of weeks ago, I suddenly found myself in a difficult situation. An incredibly important relationship in my life was suddenly in danger of falling apart. We had a call and suddenly I learned about something which let me stop, fill with anger and disappointment top to toe, and quickly one word led to another.

I felt betrayed and unsupported by something the person had done – and the other person felt that I had...

I’m living with my partner. And raised two children. I worked in a number of corporates and have started two businesses. So, I had my fair share (and still going on) of conversations. And quite a lot of them were also difficult.

A gigantic playing field for learning how to have successful conversations. Or to mess them up and miss the mark. I succeeded in both.

Missing the mark

According to research done by Stanford University, 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark.

What do I mean by missing the mark?

Well, that’s fairly simple: when there is no result. Or not the desired one.

When we fall into set patterns instead of using our conversational skills to create trust and healthy connections. When we talk past each other instead of with other, maybe even banging our heads or letting fear and judgement taking over.

Every conversation has some objective: maybe just a simple sharing of information, maybe tasking someone with something, maybe to find solutions for issues,...