Claudia's Blog

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Why 9 out of 10 conversations simply miss the mark (and what to do about that)

I’m living with my partner. And raised two children. I worked in a number of corporates and have started two businesses. So, I had my fair share (and still going on) of conversations. And quite a lot of them were also difficult.

A gigantic playing field for learning how to have successful conversations. Or to mess them up and miss the mark. I succeeded in both.

Missing the mark

According to research done by Stanford University, 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark.

What do I mean by missing the mark?

Well, that’s fairly simple: when there is no result. Or not the desired one.

When we fall into set patterns instead of using our conversational skills to create trust and healthy connections. When we talk past each other instead of with other, maybe even banging our heads or letting fear and judgement taking over.

Every conversation has some objective: maybe just a simple sharing of information, maybe tasking someone with something, maybe to find solutions for issues,...

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The powerful word which changed my life

connection power of words Feb 24, 2017

 

I loathe administrative and boring work. Still, I spent a couple of hours with the administration of my business yesterday: paying bills, filling in those tedious reports for various insurances and authorities which are required at the beginning of the year.

Not particularly exciting work for me. But “must” be done.

Maybe your “must be done” topics are different. Replace it with other activities you don’t love: "I need to do the tax return. Or: I must get this weekly report for my boss done. I have to walk the dog. I need to get up earlier.

You get the gist: Whatever it is, it tends to be a burden, things we don’t enjoy doing (or the prospect of it) or even hate – this could be the admin as in my case or the tax return, the report, the diet, the visit of the in-laws...you name it.

Must, Have to, Got to

Sometimes the “have tos” are hard, as we might not know how to deal with them or are afraid of doing them: "I have to get...

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