The leadership blog for successful women

FIRST OF ALL - Happy International Women's Day to all the women in my life - to those who might still come there - and to all the women out there doing their best and never give up in a highly complex, complicated and sometimes extremely exhausting world! (scroll to the end for a GREAT offer for - status quo NOW (08.03./1 pm) 2 wonderful female leaders. 

So here goes the story: 

Yesterday I said NO to someone and declined to work with them.  

It does not happen very often - after all this is my business and my income!

So here's what happened

At the weekend I was contacted by a woman who was in a great hurry to talk to me - I've never ever met her before in my life - she found me on Linkedin.

I sensed that she was in a pickle and needed support so I took an hour and a half on my Sunday to chat with her. An intelligent, driven woman in the technology sector.

Her main concern was how she was being perceived by others - that she felt excluded by them, not...

Many women are too polite in business. 

In fact - often in other areas of their life too. 

And if you're happen to be a man and felt this little pang when you read the headline this might be something for you too...and I invite you to read on. 

Politeness is great - unless it becomes detrimental to managing your energy, taking your space or speaking up for yourself.

I'm not even British (if you are, you know what I'm talking about ;-)) and still was this woman.

How it shows up

And it showed up in a number of ways:

• I was hesitant to say NO when a colleague or client asked me for a favour - even worse when my bosses wanted something - even if it was 5 minutes before I had planned to leave!
• I grudgingly accepted when people interrupted me at meetings or ate into my time 
• Even in my current job, in the beginning, I allowed my clients to overstep the agreed time

The feeling I was left with was one of overwhelm when not saying no, and becoming rather resentful...

Fear is the worst advisor in our life. And often people pay attention to it or their decisions are influenced by it without even realizing that it's fear they're listening to.

Been there, done that - and sometimes still do (when my awareness is lacking!). 

Fear is a common and daily companion for most people....and let's face it... it has its place and can prevent us from taking unnecessary risks...like crossing a motorway during rush hour.

The sensation of fear does not distinguish though between an actual threat to our life....or an emotional threat. It simply kicks in - worst case with dire consequences for our life costing us more than we care to admit.

Listen in to learn:

1. Why fear is such a bad advisor
2. The 4 main costs we pay for letting fear reign
3. The 2 major ingredients of the alternative way

PS: If you have any comments or questions, just drop me an e-mail at [email protected]

The end of the year is always a good possibility to reflect & review. I went a bit further back - not just one year, which in all fairness also has to do with the fact that I put together a course about this immensely important topic.

Communication is complex and I keep learning, understanding and feeling what holds us together as human beings, what creates the glue and which is the basis for connection and collaboration.

So here's what I found in the last decades, condensed in 29 points. I hope that serves you.

1. The quality of our conversations/communication determines the quality of ALL of our relationships. Regardless of how much I twisted and turned this - this is always true. Professionally as well as personally.
2. REAL listening is a huge part of successful communication. And among the top 3 competencies, I have identified. The bad news: doing it right is so much harder than I ever thought. Particularly when someone says something that rubs me the wrong way! The good news:...

I’ve been a mum now for the last 27 years. And I can’t even begin to count all the mistakes I made. “Ah, we all do”, you might say. And yes, that is true. Particularly in this area, as for me, this is the toughest job in the world.

It’s not just a phrase, I know it. After all, I’ve raised my 2 children, mainly on my own. With hardly any support.

I provided both  - a boy and a girl – with the same opportunities, the same affection and the same rules. The path and process were stunningly different. The results too.

Hindsight is a great thing, right? It allows us to learn and to adapt. Which I clearly did. Still, I know I could have avoided some significant mistakes, had I started at the right end: Me.

This is my motivation to share. As it might avoid some horrifically tricky situations. Or at least give you the certainty that you’re not alone, and it might give you so much more peace of mind when it comes to your children, seeing...

Too much to do (or so it seems) and too little time. A common disease which attacks me as well from time to time. Suddenly things seem to pile up and before we can blink, the day is over.

And the pressure increases.

And voila: we feel stressed, thoughts start racing in our head, we're urgently looking for solutions, start rushing and trying to be even more efficient than usual. 

More often than not with the result that we're even more stressed AND still not all things are being done, we start lagging behind, which boosts stress again.

A pretty damn horrible spiral. 

Thankfully there are some strategies that help us getting out of that. In this video I talk about the 3 I found really helpful and most effective (there are many more - still, got to start somewhere, right?).

No time to read or watch?

Well, that's exactly the trap we fall into when we got so much to do. Instead of hitting the brakes and changing something, we continue doing more of what we've done in the...

Quite honestly: 5 years ago I did not have a clue what Personal Leadership was. As I simply did not give it a thought. The definition that is.

Instinctively though I realized that there is something wrong with the way of how we learn to lead.

When I had just passed my mid-twenties and I worked for a start-up in the IT business (not that we called it like that 25 years ago) it was the first time that I managed a team. I had 3 people in a sales team to lead. And I failed miserably.

None of my team was in the slightest inspired by me and I had simply no idea what I was doing. Even when I read up about what I could do how and tested things out, it did only marginally get better. The second time around leading a team in a different organisation went better, still not great though.

Well, I could have assumed that I was simply a lousy leader. I realized later though, that I had started at the wrong end.

Start leadership at the right end 

What is the right end then?

Quite simple on one...

No, I’m not suddenly mad. And no, I don’t enjoy suffering either. I simply realized that the adversities in my life were the most useful, even if not enjoyable moments. And often those difficult situations happen between people: Disagreements and arguments.

My reaction to them tells me an awful lot about myself. In fact, often stuff I’m not really aware of.

This counts for everybody. And it represents one of the biggest chances for us to grow AND to get a good look into our subconscious mind.

Let me take a step back and tell you a little story.

A couple of weeks ago, I suddenly found myself in a difficult situation. An incredibly important relationship in my life was suddenly in danger of falling apart. We had a call and suddenly I learned about something which let me stop, fill with anger and disappointment top to toe, and quickly one word led to another.

I felt betrayed and unsupported by something the person had done – and the other person felt that I had...

Last week I attended a panel discussion with high ranking people from politics, academia and economy in Geneva. Including an ambassador for the UN who’s also an Executive Director in the Secretariat of the High-Level Panel on Digital Cooperation (I had no idea such a position existed) and the Director General from the ILO (International Labour Organisation). The event was part of the ILO 24-hour Global Tour to celebrate its Centenary.

The topic of the discussion: “How to shape a future that works”. Transforming the global response to the future of work.

I won’t go through all the details what was discussed (as many of it was pretty theoretical anyway). What was clear though was, that on this level a lot of policies & regulations are being discussed from a 100-miles above view, which does not really help the individual.

The world (of work) is massively changing

The world keeps changing and Richard Baldwin, Professor for International economy at the...

A couple of years ago, I started pondering about changing my career. Because I simply realized that I was far more interested in people than IT, which had been “my” business for a good 30 years.

I hatched a plan rather quickly. It would still take me more than a year to finally come out telling the world what I was doing now. And another 2 years to let go of the “old” business.

So why the heck was that?

I had done my research, my trainings, combined all of that with my decades of experience and had a great offer in my hands. I had tested the service, got consistent results, built a website, and still, I hesitated telling people in my network that I was now focusing on being an Activator for Personal Leadership instead of a Sales Director for an online magazine.

What would people think?

Obviously I asked myself WHY I was so hesitant?

• Was there a lack of confidence in what I was offering – nope.
• Did I have doubts that I could deliver results? Well, in...