End of July, my furry companion of 13.5 years got sick and got so poorly that I had to let her go after 4 days. Having been with me almost 24/7 during all her life, she left a huge hole.
Ten days later, I got a call from my mum informing me that my dad had passed. He still went out shopping in the morning, had lunch and did not wake up from his nap anymore. Despite having been in his 80's there were no signs of his death being imminent.
A few days later, I felt extremely exhausted and unwell and was down for days running a heavy fever and some other cold symptoms. I had (finally) caught Covid.
That all sounds like the start to a really bad movie, right?
And still, this is exactly what happened in my life during the last four weeks.
A real "test" of all the concepts and ideas I talk about, stand for and teach others.
I had first reactions to both of my losses, of course. I was asking myself what I could have done better - did I take the right decision to help my dog to cross the rainbow bridge? And my first thought when I heard the news about my dad was, "I did not even have a chance to say goodbye". All of these thoughts led to sadness and stress.
Then I remembered the power of response & focus: It's my decision of how I respond to any given situation in my life AND...
- my thoughts create my reality
- and thoughts create emotions (did you ever notice that it's not a situation per se that upsets you, it's what you think about it?)
= I create MY reality by whatever I focus on. (And so do you, btw).
Powerful - isn't it?
With all the stuff happening in my life the world could have looked rather daft, dark and bad.
- what a long and lovely time I was granted with my pug lady and how she made life better for me, my family and lots of people whose names I will never know - simply by existing.
- how my dad got two wishes granted the way he went: Never having to leave HIS house he was so proud of (and the plans of selling it had already started shaping up) AND to die quickly in his sleep.
- how my body is fit and recovered quickly even after days of fever
Do I still grieve?
Of course. And still, it has a different quality. It's not all-consuming or desperate - it's rather accompanied by a lot of gratitude, generated by the thoughts I focus on. And this makes ALL the difference.
To give me time to let things sink in. To give my body time to digest, to feel the feelings and my soul the opportunity to accept and surrender to what is.
There are moments in life that call for hitting the brakes.
To become still and stop running through our busy lives.
To face the emotions.
This was one of them.
And - surprise, surprise - the world continued turning.
Despite stopping, not writing e-mails or posts and not even having my group coaching sessions for my programme but only focusing on my mum, myself and all the stuff that has to be dealt with after the passing of a person - NOTHING happened.
No disaster came upon me.
My business did not fall apart.
I survived eating far less healthily and moving far less than usual.
And even my second (young) dog coped well with not being walked for a few days.
A little side effect was that the situation reminded me of something crucial: not to take myself too seriously or believe I'm SO important.
Don't get me wrong: I AM important
For myself, my loved ones and probably a few more people. Oh - and my dog ;-).
And still - there is no need to stress all the time, to believe we have to "function" all the time and fulfil whatever kind of expectations.
What really counts are people. Relationships. Kindness and joy.
I'm back and feel that I can show up again - in all parts of my life. It's a conscious decision that I know is right though, not an "I-have-to-do-it-and-push-through" thing.
My inspiration and my idea-generating part, which took a break too start coming back, and I can't wait to share them soon.