Did you ever have this poker face when somebody said or did something that you took absolutely personally? Pretending that it's not an issue and that you're cool, and that this did not affect you?
Yep - I did. Many times.
We all take (some) things personally.
We all have our own list of things we tend to get offended by or feel attacked by. Despite the poker face.
Let's face it: most things are NOT PERSONAL ATTACKS.
First of all, it's never a good idea to pretend you're not affected. The result is that it will happen again - as the topic is never addressed - within and in the external world. So - face your emotions and - if appropriate - express them.
AND - before doing the latter have a reality check and self-regulation check to see if it's even necessary.
Here are the questions that I ask people when they took something personally and which help find this out:
Particularly numbers 1 and 2 are eye-openers!
We simply fall into behaviour patterns which we have practised probably FOREVER.
And our response/reaction has FAR more to do with ourselves than with what the other person did or said.
That was quite an epiphany for me…and from then on I asked myself an important question:
WHY DOES THAT EVEN BOTHER ME?
And the answer was manifold:
However, even while we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions that does not mean that people around us can misbehave or be assholes.
Here BALANCE kicks in - one of my favourite words.
So - if the other person was actually inconsiderate (like interrupting or being rude) this calls for expressing it to create the chance for change. THAT is nothing else than setting boundaries.
If the personal reaction is rather based upon a sensitivity or insecurity of your own - it's your responsibility to change your response and to work on your inner game - not necessarily on the other person to avoid the action or word (like when you get criticized or mistakes are pointed out).
Again - balance.
And using the chance WHEN unwanted emotions pop up to work on our emotional intelligence and resilience.
Not necessarily for others - it still tends to improve communication & relationships though.
Rather for ourselves.
Being calmer, more resilient and NOT taking things too personally helps big time to feel more content, have more joy and be happier.
Enough reasons for me to work on it.
I promise I won't send you daily mails - I might offer you great stuff from time to time though. Of course I'm biased ;-).
Thanks for your trust!