Men and women are equal - but not the same. So why lead the same way?

Men and women are equal - but not the same.

Hence it does not make sense to lead in the same way. And only if we lead aligned with who we are we'll create real impact…and fulfilment for ourselves.

Bam - quite a claim!

It took me more than 30 years in business to get to this epiphany. And to have the guts to say it out aloud and to live it at the same time. 

After all I spent most of my time and had my career in the male-dominated IT industry and was pretty much "conditioned" to working and behaving in a what was considered "professional" way. 

THE SHIFT

Let me take a step back though. What actually opened my eyes much more to a different way was actually my private life. And I guess we all know by now (even if some still don't acknowledge it yet) that  ALL areas of life are connected. 

Currently, I'm dating, and when I start talking to men, often the question comes up what's my view on the roles of partners in a relationship.

5 years ago, my answer would have been VERY different from what it is NOW.

I want my man to be a man who's providing (mostly emotionally and physically), who knows how to take the lead, and I choose to be a woman - nurturing and caring AND on eye level. Equally powerful. Interdependent with my man.

HANG ON - WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH LEADING? 

What does that have to do with leading in business, you might think - that's TOTALLY different.

No, it isn't.

Because I am the SAME PERSON  - in professional and personal life (even if we show aspects of our personality/character in varying degrees in each area).

Hence it makes A LOT OF SENSE to define who I am as a leader, what my role is and that of the others around me. And YES, it makes a difference that I am a woman.

Before you cry out loud now and think this woman must be anti-feminist and my gender doesn't matter  - let me explain.

I GREW UP AS A SUPER INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND LED LIKE A MAN

The credo of my mum was: "Don't you EVER rely on anyone else…particularly not a man."

So I went and created my career.

I got into leadership positions rather quickly and observed what others were doing, mostly MEN (I was in a rather technical area in IT).

And I emulated what they were doing.

I competed.
I constantly felt I had to prove that I can do the job (as a woman).
I "politicked".
I was assertive and often hard.
I was always strong (at least on the outside).
I pretended to not have any "bad" feelings about anything.

There is nothing wrong with the above per se.

BUT I did not feel good about it.

I often felt like an imposter.
I often felt guilty - torn between career and family.
I didn't ask questions because I was worried about appearing weak.
I didn't show my emotions as I did not want to be the "emotional woman".
I often felt confused and not seen or heard and like I had to prove myself constantly.

STORYBOOK CAREER...BUT

I had a more or less a storybook career.

So can't have been that wrong, you would think.

It was.

As this created all sorts of issues on both sides - the personal and the professional, particularly in terms of RELATONSHIPS with others. Having moved to the "masculine" side so far, I missed out on much potential in collaborating and complementing each other.

Because the way I led was not aligned with me - AS THE WOMAN I AM AND WITH MY TRUTH.

WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM MEN...SO FIND YOUR OWN LEADERSHIP STYLE

If that is a result of our DNA or our upbringing or conditioning is debatable, and no one has a clear answer for that (yet).

The infamous nature vs. nurture discussion.

But it doesn't matter.

What DOES matter is THAT WE FIND OUT WHAT SUITS US. That is also true for men btw.

Most current organisational structures are more male-oriented than women-oriented. So it might appear easier to "do what you have to do" and "what everyone does" as a leader.

I dare to question that big time.

Because organisations thrive with diversity. Not just on paper - also in behaviour.

THE DANCE BETWEEN "GO AND FLOW"

It took me a LONG time to acknowledge my feminine side, in my private life and in BUSINESS TOO.

And it's powerful - in a completely different way.

And this is NOT about shifting completely to the other side - it's about balance and sensing or even knowing when which energy is required to get results.

I call it the dance between FLOW and GO.

So  - coming back to where I started: do I need a man to take the lead in business?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don't need to prove anymore that I can get the job done,  I'm happy to accept help, and I  appreciate it. Funnily enough, this brings me far more respect.

MORE CONFIDENCE, BETTER RESULTS AND...(GASP) LOOKING BETTER!

I use my "feminine" traits (and I'm using this word loosely - this is not an equality or gender discussion) more and more to convince, to get heard, to create results, and it feels SO much better, more creative, more aligned and more rewarding.

It even shows up on my face  - I'm more relaxed, softer, and more confident.

AND get "sh*t done".

I'm extremely curious about your view - drop me an note at [email protected] and let's start the conversation.

PS: If you'd like to find YOUR leadership style for better results and feeling great inside and out, you could start here and dip your toes in coaching without risk and little time investment. I'm currently giving 10 people the opportunity to jump in at ridiculously good conditions. :-).